He stood leaning against the wall, he had no place to go, not right now at least, and no place he had to be. There was no rush for anything.
He had all the time in the world to lean on the wall and watch as people streamed into the small Chapel. Most of them crying, others with their heads held low.
Music played, flowers were placed strategically up the front of the Chapel, and candles burned on either side of the flowers. People in black suits were ushering people toward the rows of bench seats as if by some order of importance.
To him, there was no need for importance there was no need for anything or any one thing.
He watched as a long black vehicle pulled up to the side of the Chapel, and people got out of the one behind. He recognised them as family, he noticed that they didn't look up or around. He leaned on the wall, no place to go or to be.
Someone, he didn't know, stepped up to the pulpit and began to speak about the service and him. He listened and looked around the room at the people who had gathered, some crying, others with their heads held low.
His son came up to the pulpit and he listened to the words he spoke, about him and their life together. It was all different now and none of that could be or would be again.
The other person came back to the pulpit and asked for another person to come forward and say a few words. A few words...is that all it amounts to? Is that all my life amounts to "a few words"? He leaned on the wall, no place to go or place to be right now.
The service, as they called it, was drawing to a close, a video of his life with accompanying songs played as the people cried heavily. He saw his wife being comforted by family. Then the casket began to move, the final goodbye where it looks like he has gone, gone forever.
The man in the black suit asked the guests..guests, now that was a strange way to talk about his friends and family. They were invited to move into the tea room next door.
He moved off the wall and wandered around from room to room. He spoke with a couple of "others" who were waiting their turn to lean on the wall.
And then he wandered among the family and friends that had been in the room next door, where they were crying or holding their heads low. He listened as many were now talking about work, their health, and what had been going on since they last caught up.
Strange he thought I had done this too when I went to a service for my mates who had "died". The thing is "I'm not dead" and I want to tell them I'm here and I can hear you. But everyone was too busy catching up, having a cuppa and barely mentioning him.
He wandered through the crowd some more and came to his wife and daughter who were struggling, the tears streaming down their faces. He wanted to hold them, to comfort them and say "I'm right here, let me show you". But they were in pain, they weren't having a cuppa or a catch-up. They were in deep grief at the thought of him being gone, dead, dead, gone.
He stood with them for a while, who knows how long, because he had no place to go, no place to be, not right then. There was no time, there was nothing but the chit-chat of those who had been a part of his life.
What now, what am I to them now?
A memory or a collection of memories, for a while at least. On birthdays, he wondered if he might lean on the wall at his home and listen to them tell stories about him on his birthday.
Maybe they would have a special day to remember this day, what would they say..he wondered.
He came to his home often, he leaned on the wall and listened as stories of his life were fondly spoken, sometimes of things he didn't think were worth a story.
He came to his home when they called for him in their hours of need, times of sorrow and missing him.
But he leaned on the wall for no one saw him, or heard him so he leaned toward them as he left again and again leaving a heart full of love and joy, peace and harmony, in the hope that one day they would see and hear him.
What would you want to hear your family and friends say about you as they bid you farewell, thinking they would not be seeing you again?
How will you live every day to make your life everything you want it to be knowing that if you were the man leaning on the wall you would have left everyone knowing how much you loved them and how important they are in your life?
Would you take it one step further and find out more about life after this world?
Are you brave enough to take that step?
You see, I have had many personal encounters with souls that have been "that man" leaning on the wall wandering among the crowd, wanting to be seen and heard.
I have heard them say how amazed they are that the catch-up chats and cuppa is a quick distraction from the tears and heads held low in the Chapel.
You can have that connection with your loved ones, and know that they are not gone forever, that they are with you and they want to help you. Reach out if you want to know how to connect with them and I will guide you with humility and love.
Blessings to you
Gwenda
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